This is a very long FRIDAY BLOG, so I took the liberty of reading the blog on video, for those of you stuck in traffic or too fucking lazy to read my awesome, hard earned writing, I salute you via YouTube,
Being in the business of Rare & Exotic Art Acquisitions, one must always take up new and exciting ways to delve further into the depths of creativity to rescue those who have been tortured endlessly by a complacent comics universe.
Which brings us to ACTION COMICS #1000
I signed up the DC Online Universe App, and I've mostly been enjoying Teen Titans and diving through all the old school issues of Batman, reliving the Death in the Family Series and marking out while continuously holding on to hope that I will get famous enough to portray the older Bruce Wayne should Dark Knight Returns ever make it to the room at the DC Films office where great movies go to die.
But this is not a time to be bitter, that's for football Sunday, this is a time to discuss not only how to make it better, but where to start commission wise,
And here we go,
Up above you see that brilliant Slave Lois Lane Commission featuring the Carbonite Superman,
You will notice the theme of course is the classic look taken straight out of the immortal Action Comics #1 -- I pulled some pages and sent them straight to Emil with my hope that he would pull off the style and really mash it up Faro's Lounge style with the Steel Bikini Series,
And since my man Bill aka THE TREAD KNIGHT of Her Majesty's Secret Service, picked this baby up, it was time to go for the next one,
And that was where the dilemma began,
Instead of going to Action Comics #2 and so forth, I jumped all the way to the new landmark issue #1000, which promised to take Superman into a new Rebirth direction along with its new writer, plucked from the Disney drenched cruise ship that is Marvel,
Bryan Michael Bendis,
I should've known right there,
Congrats to Bendis for his success in the industry but I'm sorry I just don't get it,
Maybe I was spoiled on Alan Moore, Gerry Conway, and old school Miller, but I feel Bendis is the ultimate softball story teller, treading the company line and dragging shit out way too long and delivering nothing that isn't eventually undone by another crossover or crisis, which he is usually writing the mini series that will lead into the on going series and so on and plunge the fucking dagger into my soul,
I hate his fucking writing,
It's boring, it's saturated and it's never based in anything I can truly feel or relate to,
I get it, mainstream audience, mainstream appeal, but is that is what's going to save DC Comics,
Before they sit down to do another Multiverse Crushing Virus, I have an even more bolder idea, plucked from the veins of one of the coolest creative properties to ever hit our retinas,
GAME OF THRONES,
This commercial break is brought to you by Faro's Lounge, where you can get this poster and others,
DC has always tried to do the Gotham City and Metropolis exist in the same universe as New York and Washington and fuck that,
Let's go completely WESTEROS and make THE DC UNIVERSE in essence its own universe,
Picture a planet where all of the races and breed co-exist, and even battle for dominance once their respective worlds and races come together.
Stop trying to catch up to Marvel and establish your own universal rules, code and in essence a brand new empire,
The KRYPTONIANS can be like the TARGARYENS, Superhuman Beings who's powers can be based on the Sun or perhaps the rare deposits and mines of the rare element KRYPTONITE, which instead of being a poison in this universe is more of a STEROIDS.
Imagine JOR-EL -- THE KING OF KRYPTON,
Imagine that Krypton is no longer a doomed planet,
Imagine that KRYPTON IS A KINGDOM,
We love Batman over Superman more than the idea that Batman is a human and by default has our unbiased allegiance.
We love Batman over Superman because he earned his powers, Superman is Superman because he's a fuckin battery,
Batman became BATMAN,
So what if when he comes of age, KAL-EL must leave his charmed Prince's life in the Kingdom of Krypton and set out to perform THE HERCULEAN PILLARS of STRENGTH in order to earn his signature powers,
Strength, Speed, Flight, Heat, Freeze, Flares, all of it must be taken one by one in challenges ranging from the physical to the meta-physical, games of chance along with gladiator style battles and the slaying of monsters.
We can make it so you love Superman, as opposed to having him forced upon us,
What if Jor-El's sword -- ERADICATOR, contained the secrets of Kryptonian Powers,
What if the sword ERADICATOR can be powered up and affected when it is encrusted with different versions of Kryptonite?
We terraform the central planet and make it all start from here,
And to close it all off, young Prince Kal-El is betrothed to the young Princess Diana of Themiscryra.
So that is our 1st poster,
I ripped through ACTION COMICS #1 in an effort to reinvent Superman in a Game of Thrones setting,
And I will go issue by issue until we create the greatest Commission Series in the History of this email,
So here is the quick review of ACTION COMICS #1, and how we can use it in our new universe.
Brought to you, by the best place to blow your Fantasy Winnings,
Giving us the sign that we can definitely go all Batman Begins on this story, all we get in this immortal chapter is a two panel description of Krypton's destruction, which I'm sure Jerry & Joe were still trying to work out,
You can bathe in the beauty of a pre digital age Superman, where the art is crude and Depression era tough,
Superman is a fuckin bully, bashing through doors, smacking around a butler and barging his way into the Governor's bedroom to save a girl from the chair,
Total bully, total boss, no fuckin miranda,
On his way to another story, he finds time to throw a wife beater up against the wall, then put on a suit and pretend he walked in on it,
So now Superman is a crime scene junkie,
I still hate him acting like a pussy in front of Lois, to me Clark Kent was always Superman's escape, he should love being Clark Kent,
So Lois smacks a gangster, they kidnap her and toss her in the back of an Edsel and drive off to a gangbang at Johnny Depps house,
But then Superman leaps in front, picks up the car, shakes out the gangsters, manages to catch Lois, (off panel of course) and smash the fuckin car into a small boulder,
I'm assuming they're out in Reno, Nevada,
So while everyone back home thinks Lois is a drunk and whack job, Clark Kent goes off on assignment to figure out why some Senator is about to spark up a war in small fictional South American country
And here we go,
Now we can slowly George R R Martin this thing by starting to develop a connection between the Kingdom of Krypton -- Themiscryra, where is supposed future bride is supposed to reside -- and of course this new nation
That will be the next cover//poster commission to develop, and I'm hoping to tell stories on the back of the posters, as a way to continue this story further past the art and really develop it into something that will get me sued and killed by Warner Brothers executives trying to hang on to their jobs :)
To finish out this issue, which is odd, Superman spies on the meeting between the shady Senator and the San Monte Lobbyist,
Superman then yokes the lobbyists and proceeds to leap around Washington scaring the shit out him until he agrees to spill the beans on the Senator,
All in all solid issue,
What do we get out of this to put in our new Universe,
The Slave Leia Lois Lane commission is the celebration of this issue, but to move forward we need to start a new commission series off right,
So here's what I'm thinking as the first one, in the essence of the HOUSE STARK piece.
THE KING OF KRYPTON -- KAL-EL on a JUPITER DIAMOND THRONE -- in gladiatorial royal armor and gear, holding his STEEL SWORD ERADICATOR -- and flanked by his betrothed -- DIANA of THEMISCRYA, complete with her JUPITER DIAMOND BIKINI
Mature & Sexy Variants of course,
Let me know what you think, and I look forward to seeing what we will pull out of Action Comics #2
See you then Superfans, hit the Kickstarter link and love me,